Worry ... Worry Worry Worry Worry

That's my impression of Ray Lamontagne. Pretty good, right?

And now for my impression of the Apostle Paul:

"Do not worry about anything, but pray about everything - and the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds." - Philippians 4:6&7

... Actually, my impression of the Apostle Paul sucks. I can quote him as well as the next guy, but my application is sorely lacking.

I've been completely stressed out lately. So much so that I feel like I'm going to have a heart attack any minute. I never used to - but lately, I just worry holes right through my skull. About EVERYTHING. It makes me tense, crabby, edgy, and extremely preoccupied no matter what I'm doing. It's like I'm PMS-ing all the time. And nobody wants that.

Spring is the quintessential season of rebirth, so I am going to celebrate by throwing some fertilizer on the flowerbeds of my soul. There are two things I'm now trying to (re)apply to my life. I'm thinking these actions will help with this bad habit I've developed.

• When I spend time with God, the rest of my life becomes more serene. I'm going to get back into the habit of going to church and more consciously praying. (See Paul's words above)


• When I spend time nurturing my creativity, the rest of my thoughts are less harried. I used to spend frequent time doing something creative. I used to post some creative writing here daily, sometimes twice a day. I used to draw, paint, and make things just for the enjoyment of it. Somehow I've let that part of me fall away. I miss it.
  

I love spring! :)

Footnote: This is my 400th post. My how many thoughts, creations and exchanges have come through this site in the last 5 years. Thanks for visiting, friends.

The Audacity of "Hope"

So I guess I was a little fired up, not to mention disgusted with how narrowly many are blinded, with my last post (which I have now tucked away in my "drafts" in favor of posting this one, because I have always said I don't want this to be too much of a political blog and one at a time is enough). I just get aggravated at how quickly and voluntarily people will give their freedoms away for so little in return. How easily many will go along with a giant snarl of infringements when only a few points are outlined. What about the fine print? What about the divine liberties that our forefathers gave their blood and their lives to provide us, that are discreetly reversed within those thousands of pages no one bothers to read and are wiped away with the stroke of a presidential pen? What about the crushing financial and civil weight it will bring to us and our kids in the years to come?

Being against the government having complete control over and access to EVERYTHING in our lives does not mean I am heartless and cold towards those who need help. What people won't understand is there is not just one big huge matzoh-ball answer or nothing. It doesn't matter at this point that whoever woula-coulda-shoulda didn't when they "had the chance". There's plenty of blame to go around for that. What matters is here and now, and what matters even more is the ramifications in the future. I will NOT allow my son's life to be ruined by this asphyxiating package if I can help it.

This health care issue WILL make our entire country collapse on every level. We think it's bad now? Pssh.

America has hit hard times before. But the difference is that capitalism provided the foundation for rebuilding and fiscal rebirth. There was always that fire we could reach toward again. The poison buried within this healthcare package will obliterate that flame - and when those promises are gone, there is no hope to recover the way of life we've taken for granted. NO hope.

I can't believe so many don't give a shit about that.

An Exciting Evening!

Thanks to an invaluable perk, we are very fortunate to be able to have Incrediboy attend school in the highest rated district in the state. I mean head, shoulders, and elbows above the rest. The community is made mostly of wealthy entrepeneurs and white collar professionals. They pay dearly in school taxes and the kids really do have the finest of everything in both resources and opportunities.

The past few weeks, the kindergarteners and first graders have been working on an artist-in-residency program with the capital city's jazz arts group - an association of professional jazz musicians and vocalists. The project consisted of the children creating their own song from scratch, built on the 12 bar blues form and AAB rhyme scheme, and to perform the original compositions at the end of the residency. The kids brainstormed their own topic and lyrics, and then decided what tempo, styles, and solos they wanted to utilize. Next, each student was assigned a glockenspeil, xylophone, rhythm stick set, or egg shaker - each to be incorporated into the piece.

In addition to the obvious musical benefits of this project, it also allowed the kids to explore organizational strategies, writing, composing, performing, and mathematical standards through predicting and discovering the sequence of sounds and patterns within the music form.

The project culminated last night in a performance for the parents in the community's performing arts center, accompanied by the jazz musicians. The first graders composed a cute song about missing the bus and riding their bike to school instead. Incrediboy's class composed a jazzy little number called "Blues for a Cruise". The lyrics are as follows:

Seas, trees, and the Florida Keys.
Seas, trees, and the Florida Keys.
Seas, trees, and the Florida Keys.
Seas, trees, and the Florida Keys.

Ready to go, wanna leave the snow.
Wanna have fun in the sun!
We've got the blues for a cruise!
There's no time to lose
Let's kick off our shoes
And cruise away the blues!

We're all packed up
And our shades are on
Gonna make a run
For the sun!

Let's go someplace
With seas and trees.
How 'bout the Florida Keys!

Lookin' for waves
Dolphins play games,
Can't wait to swim with the fish
Can't wait to swim with the fish!

The individual class songs were followed by group performances of all the classes of Ella Fitzgerald's A-Tisket, A-Tasket and Duke Ellington's C Jam Blues.

Grammy-worthy? Far from it. But man, what a fantastic opportunity - to learn about music composition from the ground up with real live jazz musicians. I never had the chance to do anything remotely as amazing as that, even in high school. I wonder if in good time these kids will ever realize how cool that was.

Road Rash Throat

My throat hurt so bad last weekend.

I'm typically not a whiner, but I'm going to go on about this for a bit. Because seriously - I have rarely if ever had a throat this destroyed.

I woke up Friday with a mildly swollen, mildly sore throat, and feeling kind of crummy. By Friday night I was totally wiped out. I didn't even go to Incrediboy's karate class (and I really wanted to, because he was getting his blue belt - a very big deal since blue is his favorite color - but I digress). When I woke up Saturday I was a dead woman. I was feverish and my throat was completely destroyed from my sinuses to my lungs - it felt as if I'd swallowed hot asphalt. I could not eat, drink, talk, or even swallow my own spit. When I looked in my mouth with a flashlight, my whole throat was nearly swollen shut - not to mention red as tabasco sauce and covered with white splotches.

Gross.

I laid in excessive misery until Monday when I could get in to see the doctor. I thought for sure I had strep. After an excruciatingly agonizing throat culture (I literally grabbed my doctor's arm and forced the swab out of my mouth before I even realized I was doing it - and I'm not normally that kind of patient), I learned I did NOT have strep. I was diagnosed with tonsilitis and pharyngitis - which is a fancy term meaning that besides my tonsils being all botched up, the rest of my throat was a completely infected swollen mess as well. So much so that along with a super-duper strong scrip for antibiotics, my doc also gave me a scrip for steroids.

I got my meds filled at the local market, and picked out an assorted array of throat numbing agents, some comforting flavored tea, and a can of soup for my first meal in 3 days.

On the pharmacist's suggestion, I didn't start the steroids right away. He advised taking them in the morning since they tend to make you jittery - and taking them in the afternoon could keep me up that night. I didn't want that. I took two antibiotics during the course of that day and was thankfully feeling much better by morning. God bless whoever discovered the healing properties of all those darling molds.

Since I was feeling on the mend, I decided to skip the steroids altogether. I'm not a fan of steroids ... They help jumpstart your healing initially, but significantly lower your immune system for about a year afterwards. I'm not real fond of that idea. Plus they screw you up with the jimmies while you're taking them - and more often than not swell you up like a tick on a hound dog. I figured if I don't need to, I'm not going there.

Tomorrow will be a week since I fell to the tonsil demon. I almost feel normal again, although my throat still feels kind of scratchy and weird. At least I lost a few pounds during the ordeal.

Now the Hub has come down with it. Bless his heart, the poor guy. I hope we can keep it away from Incrediboy.

Butt Hat

Incrediboy informed me last night that I am a Butt Hat. Promptly cracking up with laughter.

I should probably have frowned upon that, but I couldn't help but laugh too.

That kid is going to get out of SO MUCH trouble just by being funny and cute. I'm lucky he has such a sweet disposition. Hopefully he will continue to use his powers only for good.

Hanging On

So, I've still got my blog on life support. Since I haven't written creatively - or even regularly - for quite a while now, and the poor thing really doesn't get many visitors anymore, I've been wondering if the humane thing to do is just pull the plug and let it pass peacefully. But I just don't have the heart. The truth of the matter is, I love writing and I love blogging. Regardless of the fact that my mojo has been on the back of a milk carton for a couple years now, I'm just not ready to let it go. I keep hoping that someday I'll be inspired to really get this blog to breathe, walk and speak once more. So I continue to stop by ... hold its hand ... talk aimlessly a little bit ... change the flowers ... that sort of thing ...

My dear friend Cassie invited me to join a network of writers. Writers of all types, walks, styles and professions. I joined with enthusiasm. While I haven't made had time to peruse some of the other members' blogs yet, I'm hoping the company of other writers will help. If you are here from the group, visiting mine ... Just please go back in the archives a few years. It's much better back then. ;) And leave a short-and-sweet comment so I may return the favor.

It's my birthday, dammit!

And I'm really enjoying myself thanks to my new take-no-crap attitude in life. I think ** (actual age omitted to protect the innocent) will be my best year yet.

I'm thinking about commemorating the new birth year by ripping a few people's a$$es who are either on my nerves or have hurt me and I've just been letting it go for a while. But why should I do that? Nobody does me any favors in this area. Besides, now that I'm old, it's not healthy for me to keep that kind of stuff all bottled up inside.

Still planning to get back to some creative writing. One of these days I'll really do it.

Be back soon.

Busy Bee

Time is speeding by. Have y'all been as busy as I have? Just wanted to pop in and chatter aimlessly for a while. ... While I've been busy, not much to speak of is all that interesting, save a few tidbits.

I kicked my fitness plan into fulltime gear a few weeks ago and am happy to share that I've trimmed off 5 pounds already. Yay, me! This is an astonishing feat, being that it comes off with great difficulty since I hit my late 30's. Unfortunately, not eating isn't the same as quitting smoking. Ya gotta eat. And it's hard not to eat when you're feeling hungry. So I've been relearning what foods to eat for the twofold sum of maximum satisfaction and maximum physical benefit. It's taken diligence but it's paying off.

I'm also excited to share that I've found a new dance class! If you've been around a while, you may remember that I've wanted to learn how to belly dance since I was 15 years old. A boyfriend I had in high school, his mom practiced belly dance. She would sometimes rehearse routines for us as practice for her classes. I was entranced at how this mild, quiet, average mom would turn into a confident, sensual goddess when she'd dance - and in her mid-to-late 40's, her body was killer. I always wanted to learn what she knew.

A few years ago I decided to finally pursue this interest. I bought some instructional tapes, which were okay - but then found a semi-local class that was affordable and very exciting. A friend of mine has enjoyed much good-natured teasing at my expense - but I tell you, belly dancing is deceptively challenging. It takes incredible muscle control and isolation skills, and when done properly, you really feel it - both during and the next day. I was loving it, I was getting muscle definition, and I was getting pretty good at it if I say so myself. My instructor was even talking about me being almost ready to switch to the intermediate class.

Then gas prices went up. Dramatically. And my 60 mile round trip commute to the class suddenly tripled in bottom line cost. I discontinued my training.

I've missed it ever since.

This weekend I was thinking about it all again and decided to check out local listings on line to see if anything new had shown up. To my delight, I found a class at a relatively nearby community center that is affordable and agrees with my schedule. I contacted the instructor and we had a great exchange. Her classes run in 6-week stretches, the current one having started last week. However, she was willing to have me join a week late and double up on a class to get my tuition's worth. She currently teaches an egyptian cabaret class and a tribal fusion class back to back on Mondays.

I've become fascinated with the style and seduction of tribal fusion dance over the last few years, so I was really jazzed at the prospect of taking a class focusing on tribal fusion techniques. The Hub, awesome man that he is, was cool with me making last second plans for the next who knows how many Monday nights, and so I am heading to the rec center tonight to get my shimmy on again.

Can't wait.

In other news, my brother is coming for a visit in a few weeks. YAY! I haven't seen him in a good 4 years, so I'm really excited. He's bringing my neice and nephew along as well, both of whom I haven't seen in even longer. They'll only be here for four days, but I'll take it. :) We are hoping to steal away to a portrait studio at some point, for a belated sibling photo for my parents' 50th wedding anniversary. We haven't had a formal photo taken together since I was 4 and he was 10. So it should be pretty neat.

It's fun to have things to look forward to. Life's good right now.

I'm so Pi$$ed Off Right Now.

I so enjoy having an aneyurism first thing in the morning.

I'm listening to the news on the way in today. Mistake number one. And our local news guy is talking with some reporter from the BBC. The BBC cat is chattering on and on about how many of the Gitmo detainees that have been freed have already rejoined Al Quaida.

Well there's a shock, huh?

Though my Mom taught me at an early age to never underestimate the stupidity of the common man, I continue to be shocked and amazed at humankind's blindness. These turds are not like us. They will never be like us. They have been programmed from birth to hate us, and that they will be rewarded for anything they can do to decay our way of life. And that's not prejudice. That's FACT. Do people honestly think that a stint in an American run prison, which is probably like a stay at the Four Seasons for these jackasses thanks to liberal crybabies, is really going to make them rethink their ways and carry a daisy in their hand from now on? Are you SERIOUS?

The reporter goes on to rhetorically ponder the problem of what to do with the remaining detainees - where to place them after Gitmo is closed.

Here's an idea. How 'bout HELL? Straight to Hell. Problem solved.

Why is this so difficult to understand?

Rest in Peace

* * * *

Luckily, I never really saw much combat. I was in it a few times - I don't know if I ever killed anyone and frankly I don't want to know. ... I worked in an orphanage for a while, and that I really liked. I really enjoyed the kids. But mostly I was in medical. One of the first days I was there, a chopper came and brought some wounded in. And I got this guy who was hurt really bad. ... Basically, is entire lower jaw was gone. Just, gone. He kept trying to tell me something, over and over. Obviously I couldn't understand him ... so I just sat there with him. I sat there with him until he died.

* * * *

A dear friend of mine served in Viet Nam. In the 15 years I've known him, he's rarely talked about anything he saw or did there other than getting wasted - an activity that is more than understandable in those circumstances if you ask me.

The other night we were talking about it for some reason, and he shared this story with me. It's haunted me ever since. My heart has ached for this young man who could not express his final concerns, and died in agony - alone and on the other side of the world. Alone except for my friend.

Forty years isn't too long ago to mourn a fallen fighter. God rest your soul, soldier.