New Year, New Clew ...

... or at the very least, hopefully somewhat improved.

I've been thinking about New Year's Resolutions. I normally don't make them anymore but after 2005 being such a weird, topsy turvy year I am somehow inspired to compile a list of minor life altering commitments. I know this is a boring post but I'm hoping that if I "write them out loud" I'll be more apt to stick to them ;). I shall also retitle my list in attempt to dodge the cheesy stigma of the term "resolution". Hey, whatever works.

Thanks for indulging me.

CLEW'S 2006 ADHERENCES:

• Now that the holidays are over, I'm going to return to healthy eating. I usually am very conscious about what I eat and eating sensibly really does make a difference, not just externally but internally. I've been feeling like total crap for the last few months with all the heavy foods and dessert breads and chocolates and way too much social eating. Dang it's all been good though. Sure enjoyed it.
• I'm going to get back to my workouts. Before having Incrediboy I was a Tae Bo junkie. I felt great and I looked hot (LOL). I miss that on both counts. I'll probably never look as good as I used to after having my puppy but I'm sure as heck done with feeling jiggly. I am definitely going to work that back into my schedule. BILLY BLANKS ROCKS!
• I'm going to get back to my scrapbooking regularly. I've only sporadically done anything in ages - I have 2 elaborate vacations, 3 years of puppyhood and 2 years of babyhood and toddlerhood to preserve, not to mention several years of other general life events and my retrostash of stuff going back to the beginning of time. I miss my scrapping sanctuary and I don't want any more details to fade. Not to mention that even as I catch up, life marches on!!! AAACK!!! (Plus it's a perfect excuse to play with my new Christmas gift, my killer photo printer from the Hub! :D!)
• I'm going to watch less TV. I watch way too much TV during my me-time for all this other stuff I want to be doing.
• I'm going to write more frequently in Incrediboy's Journal. I've slacked off to only once or twice a month in the latter half of this year. There are too many things to capture for him to be writing so infrequently.
• I'm going to take the boy (and myself) back to church. We haven't gone since he was about 4 or 5 months old - just got out of the habit. We are a Christian home but now that he's older we owe it to him to raise him with a church family too. Life is so much better when the Lord is included.
• Some other nunya-stuff that I'm not going to list here.

I am anticipating a busy New Year's weekend and may not be around much - The Hub and I are taking tomorrow off for a play day (Woohoo!) and you know how weekends are - so I take this opportunity to wish everyone a Happy New Year! Don't party too largely, and remember to write your name in your underwear in case you get lost.

The Holidays and Other Items

Random tidbits of late ...

I had to stop by Target yesterday afternoon for some this’n’thats. I picked up Incrediboy after work from Grandma’s and in the 5 minutes it took to get to Target he fell fast asleep. I got him out of the car seat and carried him in as he sleepily draped his arms around my neck and positioned his head on my shoulder.

Post Christmas shopping and returning is in full swing and we had to park quite a ways from the store. As I headed towards the entrance my arms started to ache surprisingly quickly, and I began to take stock as to why. My little baby has been replaced by a boy. The adorable little lima bean shaped infant with the Michelin Man thigh rolls and the chubby wrists and dimpled knuckles is now a lean and lanky child. As his sweet blonde head rested on my shoulder (note to self: the once peach fuzzed head needs its fourth haircut), I noticed that while not long ago I could cuddle his whole body into me with one arm, I now must use both arms to support him under the butt hammock-fashion as his Elmo sneakers dangle loosely all the way down near my knees.

Gosh, he's going to be tall.

He’s growing up much more quickly than I expected. Pants I just bought in the fall that had to be rolled up – twice - now don’t require the cuffing. Shirt sleeves are getting too short. The photos we took at Christmas show that even the baby-ness in his little round face is quickly disappearing. I’m thrilled by it all, yet saddened too. It’s bittersweet in a way I can’t describe.

My little boy. What did I tell you about growing up too fast? You’re not listening!

I hope everyone had a very merry Christmas! It was wonderful here. The holidays spent vicariously through a small child’s sparkling eyes is one of the greatest pleasures I have ever known. Incrediboy was so enamored with his gifts that we let time elapse between openings – sometimes hours – to allow him to enjoy each thing. It took us 3 whole days to get everything opened, but that’s all right. We enjoyed watching him engross himself in each toy rather than becoming so overloaded by too much too soon that it all ultimately went unnoticed.

Most Beautiful Dog had a nice Christmas too. As I opened his stocking with him on Christmas morning, his eyes were so alert that the whites showed all around and his strong muscular body quivered with anticipation – but he always politely watches and waits to be offered the treats within rather than rooting his face inside the stocking to grab anything he can. Such a good boy.

He’s polished off and/or demolished 3 substantially sized chew bones and one extra large tennis ball since the stocking ceremony. MBDog loves Christmas.

I got some nice gifts, some cash, and a generous bonus and gift basket from my bosses. But my favorite gift was from my coolio Hub. I love my Hub, by the way. He’s the greatest.

Now I told him not to get me anything big because I only got him a nifty mid-range gadget as his main gift – but the big poohbear got me a home photo printing station. It’s KILLER! It will print 4x6 prints direct from a digicam chip or memory stick, or you can print from your computer. It is the deluxe model so you can see a little image of what the digi is on a full color screen on the top of the machine. Nice. You can also crop and manipulate color saturation, contrast, sharpness, and all that stuff right there. The quality difference between these and lab prints is negligible, and the ink’s rated to last without fading for at least 100 years. He also got me four 100-count blank photo paper packs.

Suh-WEET.

I totally love it. I feel the scrap muses calling me with their siren song once more. I hope he realizes this is the springboard for him becoming a scrapbooking widower again.

Hm, maybe that’s the idea ???? … ;)

I'm currently formulating my resolutions list. BLAH!

On a final note, I bought myself a great CD last night from a rocker dude I really dig. But I’m not going to say who it is because I know y’all will crack on me for watching American Idol.

Merry Christmas!

Hope you're all enjoying a wonderful holiday with your loved ones!

Here's a neat little card.

A friend sent me this and I wanted to share.

Merry Christmas!!!

XOXO ~ Clew, Hub, Incrediboy and Most Beautiful Dog

Shambala

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Wash away my troubles, wash away my pain - With the rain in Shambala
Wash away my sorrow, wash away my shame - With the rain of Shambala
Ah, ooh, yeah - yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Ah, ooh, yeah - yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Everyone is helpful, everyone is kind on the road to Shambala
Everyone is lucky, everyone is so kind on the road to Shambala
Ah, ooh, yeah - yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Ah, ooh, yeah - yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

How does your light shine, in the halls of Shambala?
How does your light shine, in the halls of Shambala?

I can tell my sister by the flowers in her eyes on the road to Shambala
I can tell my brother by the flowers in his eyes on the road to Shambala
Ah, ooh, yeah - yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Ah, ooh, yeah - yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

How does your light shine, in the halls of Shambala?
Tell me how does your light shine, in the halls of Shambala?
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Remember that song? A 1973 Top Ten hit by 3 Dog Night. A song that’s on my list of songs you simply cannot listen to without it putting you into a better mood.

Incrediboy loves music – and to his father’s and my delight, has a particular taste for classic rock. While on a recent road trip, I had a notion to put in my 3 Dog Night with intent of playing “Joy to the World” - because what kid doesn’t love Jeremiah the Bullfrog, right? But I first stopped off at “Shambala”, by favorite 3DN song.

At the first strum, Incrediboy’s face lit up. He began bobbing his head in his car seat, and as the uplifting music proceeded, so did his chair dancing, big smile on his dimply face all the while, and each time the chorus rolled around, he'd chime in – “Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah …”

I couldn’t help but laugh out loud as I watched him in my visor mirror.

When “Shambala” concluded, I flipped to “Joy to the World”. But would you believe? Incrediboy wanted nothing to do with that. He griped in protest, shaking his head and insisting it was all wrong. I scanned back to “Shambala” – and all was right with the world once more. Dancing, grinning, singing. We listened to it 4 or 5 times before concluding that car ride. Good thing it’s my favorite too!

Shambala is often used synonymously with Paradise, but is actually a term from Buddhism, meaning “the source of happiness”. As the traditional season of change and setting resolutions is just round the bend, I was thinking this morning (as we enjoyed another round of this shared favorite) about the pinnacle sources of Shambala in my little world. I have not been the recipient of a charmed life at all times. But that is no cause to not be happy – to seek happiness and seek the company of others seeking happiness.

I believe, because it has been proven to me within my own life, that we are constantly surrounded by many travel companions who are heading along our way with us - but every so often one in particular will separate from the crowd and you will somehow become a singular unit. Our merciful Lord understands that it’s difficult to handle some things “alone” – so He will guide us to special people, that can help us and we can in turn also help.

The Hub and I met in the darkest days of our lives, for both of us. We were pallid, broken refugees with little faith or energy left to get up and walk on. But we had a vision of what our futures should and could be – and one step at a time traveled a road to our blessed life as it is now. Not only have we been approaching Paradise together, but the road we have traveled thus far – the trials by fire, the rising from ashes - is indeed our Shambala.

Many years ago now we lost several children to miscarriage. The Hub was my haven – we grieved together and kept each other from falling apart. As wonderful as he was, I felt a void in me from having no accessible women in my life who knew my pain firsthand. Through a seemingly random course of events I came in contact with another grieving mother – we connected instantly and the salve we provided each other both specifically and abstractly was just the ticket. Years later we both have been blessed with beautiful sons as well as a friendship of a lifetime. The journey of loss, grief, anger, and fear we have traveled together too, in hindsight, is Shambala.

Incrediboy turned 2 last month. It’s been the longest 2 years of my life, and also the shortest. He’s come so far – from a helpless little creature not even able to hold his own head up to a lively, brilliant, energetic clown of a little boy. Just like that. He frustrates us at times. Sometimes I even cry from the weighty challenges of parenting, and he’s only 2! But I know these days are fleeting. Soon our sweet boy will be a snot nosed teen and then we’ll really have challenges! But for those times and these, God has a tender loving way of making the tough times fade so that mostly joyous, loving images remain. We are well aware that soon these days will be gone forever and our baby will be a man. We do our best to make these days last. To enjoy the scenery in all its glory and the pitfalls in all their challenge, with this Shambala.

2005 is almost over, can you believe that? It’s not been an easy year for me. Yet I am so blessed. I have made so many beautiful memories with my family, and have made some wonderful new friends whom I treasure. Still I find myself feeling stressed a lot of the time, and terribly lonely for those I’ve lost this year. I’ve caught myself being cross with my most treasured travel companion, my wonderful husband, more times than I can count and often for no good reason. Why?

I’ve been thinking about why I seem to lose my joy so quickly, and I think it’s due to forgetting to love the journey. I forget to not sweat the small stuff. I forget the flowers in my eyes.

This weekend, like all of you, I will be enjoying my Christmas with loved ones. I’ll focus on remembering what makes the journey beautiful. Next week I will be thinking about the dreaded “New Year’s Resolutions”. Which this year translates into defining the clutter I can remove so that I can return to a state of Shambala in my heart. How does my light shine?

Wash away my troubles, wash away my pain - With the rain in Shambala
Wash away my sorrow, wash away my shame - With the rain of Shambala

Shambala is here and now. Thank You, Lord, every day. Thank You for all of it.

A Little Token of My Confection

A few Blogger buds and I have been musing about Buckeyes - the world's greatest sweet treat, most often seen around the holidays in certain areas of the Great Lakes Region. Named for the nut of the Buckeye tree (a member of the Chestnut family), these lil' gems are worth the effort it takes to make them. I thought I'd post the recipe for anyone who might be interested.

BUCKEYES

• 1-1/2 lb. of Powdered Sugar
• 1 lb. Peanut Butter (2 cups)
• 2 sticks of butter or margarine
• 1 (6 oz.) Bag of Chocolate Chips (your choice, milk or dark)
• 1/3 block of Parrafin Wax

Blend butter, sugar and peanut butter thoroughly and roll into 1 to 1-1/4 inch balls. Place on wax paper on a cookie sheet and chill for an hour.

Melt chocolate and parrafin wax in a double boiler (or, in a pan sitting in another pan with water in it). Using a toothpick stuck into them, dip the gorgeous little peanut butter globes into the chocolate, leaving a small portion undipped (see photo if you're not following). Place back on the wax paper. Chill the buckeyes until chocolate shell has set.

The parrafin wax adds a pretty sheen and helps the chocolate stay "solid" as it's held and eaten. Being a native of Buckeye Country in the purest sense, the wax is simply an accepted part of how it's done for me - but if you don't like that consistency in your shell, try this: Instead of the wax, slowly add 1/2 cup of Half & Half to the chocolate after it's melted. Blend well, bringing the temperature back up, and proceed. I've also recently learned that you could simply alternatively add a small bit of vegetable oil to the chocolate to get a similar result (thanks to Tirithien for that tip!)

My "2 cents" on the sugar: These can also be made with regular sugar, but the powdered sugar gives a much better, smoother consistency. Buckeyes made with regular sugar have a more grainy texture. Not horrible, but I recommend using powdered sugar.

This recipe will make about 4 dozen - which might get you through the first evening.

Enjoy, and Merry Christmas!

Wrapped Up II

Of all holiday prep activities, wrapping is by far my favorite. I love to wrap gifts. I LOVE it! If at all possible, I’m barely in the door from my shopping excursions before I’m hauling out the paper, tape and ribbon to bask in my wrapping heaven. If I ever get to a point where I don’t have to work to live, I’m going to get a job as a gift wrapper. I’m sure they don’t get paid squat but man I’d dig on that. I love to wrap nice geometric boxes, and I love the challenge of wrapping oddly shaped things. I love the look and feel of perfectly smoothed, creased and cornered paper and immaculately curled and bowed shiny ribbons (ideally, complimenting the paper in some subtle way so as to draw out a subordinate color or pattern) dressing up the packages. I recycle previous years’ well-lending Christmas cards by making them into gift tags – these too are carefully selected so as to reflect and compliment the wrapping and ribbon used. * Sigh * … I love it.

Before you try and pop my bubble, don’t bother. I know it just gets ripped off in 2 seconds and my subtle attention to detail probably isn’t even noticed, but I don’t care. I get a lot of joy out of the act of wrapping, and that’s enough for me to continue with my overly detailed approach.

Shopping is unofficially done at Clew’s house. The Hub bought the gifts for the nephews last night and that concludes it for the season. (We still need to pick up a gift for our good friends L&A but we won’t see them till after the new year, so the pressure’s off.) Now it’s time to just relax and wait for Christmas Day!

I don’t know how much I’ll be around between now and then, so just in case it’s later than sooner, I wanted to wish everyone a warm and joyous Christmas with your loved ones. May your hearts be overflowing with love and joy and blessings – even though these gifts are unwrappable, this is my wish for you all!

Now that the mushy sentiments have been expressed, I leave you with the following Christmas image. I know this is rude but I can’t help it – I laugh every time I look at it.

Merry Christmas!

Wrapped Up

I finished my Christmas shopping this past weekend. Thank the Heavens. You know, I used to complete my shopping for Christmas before Thanksgiving, for the simple fact that I hate going out in that mess. But having a little one seems to have us on perpetual delay. Next year though, I'll try to return to that pipedream plan.

I got one of two remaining Knows Your Name Elmos left at the store. I was pretty excited. Not just because it's one of the "hot" toys this year, but because Incrediboy loves Elmo SO much - I thought he'd get jazzed out of his socks if Elmo addressed him by name! I called the Hub and asked his opinion and he said I should get it, as the boy would no doubt adore it.

On the way home I started thinking about it. It wasn't a cheap toy. He'll be getting plenty of other presents. And Incrediboy already has a big floppy Elmo that he loves and doesn't let out of his sight. Does he really need this fancy one that isn't near as cuddly and will probably break anyway?

I told the Hub when I got home I was having second thoughts about Knows Your Name Elmo. I told him my reasoning and he agreed. I returned Knows Your Name Elmo tonight. I felt eyes upon me as I stood at the service desk and explained nothing was wrong with the toy, we merely decided we didn't want it after all. I had the peculiar feeling of being cased by a pack of hyena. As I walked away with refund in hand, I felt the desperate eyes shift from me, remaining on the newly returned Elmo. I'm sure he's already found a good home.

I felt kind of empowered. I had ultimately avoided being sucked into the hype.

For now anyway.

I can tell already it won't get any easier, especially as he gets older. He's our only boy and we'll be very drawn to giving him the world. And I'm sure we will do what we can to fulfill reasonable special requests from future Christmas lists. But we want to teach him that Christmas isn't all about things. We want him to remember the love of family and the love of a Savior. And to be grateful, always grateful.We will teach him these things, and we will live them.

Between you and me though, I'm very excited about gifting this year. I mean crazy-excited. I can't wait to see and share the joy of a small child on Christmas morning. I can't wait to vicariously feel the adrenaline from the magical spell of a child's Christmas, to see the wonder of the holiday through him.

And it's nothing to do with materialism.

Giving

Ever feel like you're in a Catch 22 during the Christmas season? The holidays are like that sometimes. You run around, scrambling to get decorated and handle shopping and mailing and baking and everything, and completely stress yourself out creating joy. You wrack your brain to come up with gifts that don't break you, but aren't cheap and chincy - That the recipient will like, doesn't already have, and might actually display a little bit of thought went into them.

It's tough. We live in an age if instant gratification. No one "waits" for what they want anymore - for most of us, if you want something, you go out and buy it. This means that everyone already has what they want, and it's very difficult to both shop for those on your list and/or to even offer suggestions to those shopping for you. What on earth could anyone possibly want when we already have everything? Oh sure, everyone would love to get iPods and HDTV, but I just don't have the bankroll to get that for everyone, do you?

It's easy to lose sight of things this time of year. It's easy to get so caught up in our own agenda that we all but forget the real joy of giving from the heart, and the real blessing of receiving something you otherwise wouldn't have. To be grateful for our loved ones being so blessed, and to be so blessed ourselves, that we have little want. To forget that we give gifts to others in remembrance of the Gift given to us by God on this day of observation - a Gift not of obligation but of selfless Love.

I have been reminded today.

Yesterday, someone broke into a local warehouse of the Salvation Army. The thieves stole an estimated 450 toys that had been collected for needy children.

Can you think of anything more heartless?

There is a silver lining, though - and in God's always-cool way of handling things it's all worked out even better than before. In response to someone stealing from the hands of kids with nothing, now families many times over will be able to enjoy opening gifts on Christmas morning. By the end of the morning today, the community had responded to this sad event by working together to replace the stolen toys. Hundreds of people dropped off thousands of toys, opening their hearts and schedules to bring Christmas to families with so little.

This is Christmas Magic in action.

Earth Shattering Technology Answers Age Old Question

I just heard this on the nightly news and had to help spread the word.

For hundreds of years people have wondered why Mona Lisa is smiling. What is triggering this mysterious facial burst? What anomalous thought pattern was Da Vinci trying to channel? Well rest well tonight, for we now know!

The Mona Lisa has been evaluated by the latest in technological wonders - an emotion recognition software program, a collective development by researchers of the University of Amsterdam and the University of Illinios. And get this: They have concluded that she's smiling because she's happy.

WOW! Can you believe that? Thank goodness this study was performed. Who would have ever come up with that on their own?

Whew.

Death Becomes Him

This one’s Chachi’s fault ;).

I’ve been fighting the urge to write about the whole Tookie Williams situation. I have been trying to keep my little place in blogland off of that because I have huge opinions about Tookie and Tookie-like folks and I really have enough going on in my life right now that I don’t need to give myself an aneurysm over hot button issues. I just want to relax when I hang out here, and I want you to as well.

However, you know me. I’m all sweet and stuff, but I have a mouth on me and I like to sound off.

So, I decided to resurrect a vintage editorial from my previous website, “Smell the Coffee”. This was my political and moral commentary site from about 5 years ago. Don’t go looking for it, it’s not up anymore because the host suddenly started trying to extort me out of a hundred bucks a year if I wanted to keep it up (I must have been generating too much traffic to be free ;D) and so I disabled it. But I did keep many of my rants saved to a disk. So I went hunting for it.

Alas and alack, I didn’t save that one. Too bad. I was on fire that day and didn’t mince any words. So in short I’ll just say, Goodbye, Tookie, and Good Riddance. It’s all well and good that you used your time in the clink to inspire inner city youth to turn their lives around and all, but you killed 4 people. You founded a gang movement that led to the deaths and living misery of only God knows how many others. The time for your redeeming reform was before all that happened.

Fear not though, Piece of Crap - you've left a legacy that will continue to spread like an aggressive cancer long after you're gone. Thanks!

Some people tell me I have no compassion. To them I say “Pththth.” My compassion lies with the victims and their families. Who, by the way, don’t get clemency from their fate. If you want to argue with me, feel free, but please let me know if you’d feel the same mercy if he had the blood of YOUR children spattered across his smug face.

Okay, I’m done. Sorry about that diversion from my typical warm and fuzzy meditations. :) Off to work now! It’s snowing and sleeting here today – Everyone else dealing with the same mess, drive safe!

For more brilliant head exploding fun regarding our political and social system, visit Chachi at The Spanktuary.