Thursday, July 06, 2006

Audial Fire Baptism

Lyric of the Day:

Ride to a place beyond our time
Reach for the edges of your mind
And you are there
See that the light will find its way
Back to a place where it will stay
Make it stay

Queensryche - Take Hold of the Flame

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

It's been a while since I've felt or thought anything I deemed worth writing on. I've been in a place of self-reacquaintance at the bottom of my emotions. I've been far and distant from my muses this strange month or so - But I am feeling the tug to come back to writing. My thoughts are jumbled tonight, but they are there - I'll try to sort them out and hope they find a way into an order of sense.

I will say that recently I became keenly stressed at how disconnected I am with myself. In the process of life I lost me somewhere. I'm finding my way back finally.

As I have said on here before, my whole life I have always been about music. I do not play any instruments. My singing is not the best. But music has had such a deep meaning and effect on me always. I'm a music junkie, I've never been able to get enough. My joy in good times and a salve for any heartache. I have always turned to music. But during these past few years of difficult times, music has become muffled. And after J died, my passion-for-tunes soul sister, even music lost its power to soothe me. While I still listened to a few select artists or cds - in all, my world became quiet.

I had not realized how I missed it until recently.

Taylor Hicks, that cat who won American Idol, brought music back to me. I fell in love with his soulful voice - comfortable as a flannel shirt with just a touch of road rash - and being that he'd followed the musician's path forever I went on a hunt to find any possible independent releases after his win. In the dozen or so tracks of two previous releases, once peddled tirelessly out of a bookbag and now available to fans online, I discovered gossamer gold.

Based on these early treasures, please listen when I say this guy is touched by the gods. Once he's able to make his own music in the league he's now entering, his star will not just rise but rocket.

Sparked by his performances, unwittingly I have been rediscovering, recraving, the music that I'd walked away from. I have been hungering for new artists, reuniting with old, and am learning and remembering all I can about all kinds of great works. Resubmersing myself in music has had an effect on me. I'm being reborn through these songs. Music has a way of fusing itself to specific times, places, memories - so it's often a strange mixed bag. It's been a baptism of fire. It's sometimes sharp and spiny. Sometimes painful, but a sweet pain. It feels right, that I burn this way. I'm burning impurities away, and getting down to who I am again underneath.

Being that I'm all about music right now, I'm going to be experimenting a bit here. I have been thinking of posting a lyric of the day and just running with whatever it means or however it strikes me at the time. I have no idea what will generate, but this is my inspiration right now.

Thanks to everyone who kept up on me, checked in with me, prayed and sent hugs. I'm so glad you're still here, and I'll be back around to yours soon. Hope you enjoy this new trial run of entries.


Anna said...

Glad you are back!! I had been checking in once in awhile!

Anna said...

Oh and I love the lyric of the day idea!!

Ame said...

Welcome Home ... not to blogging ... to your heart.

Life gets so furious sometimes ... we are caught in the swirl and the rush ... not enough time to pause and experience it ~ good or bad. Till we reach a concrete wall and simply cannot go any further.

That's when we find out who we are and what we're made of ~ and where God has always and still does fit into all of it. It's a journey ... enjoy the journey, all of it, even the pain ~ you're blooming in the journey and more beautiful than ever!

Ame said...

btw - left you a reply at my site, too ;)

Joy said...

Something that ame above stated - "blooming" - triggered this phrase, "Bloom where you're planted". Where you are right now, is where God wants you to be and serve. God has a plan to use you were you are right now - whether it's posting meaningful lyrics on your blog to make us think or whether it's serving your family and friends in RL. I hope this made a semblance of sense.

And I love your idea of posting lyrics to songs that strikes you in a certain way. I can fully identify with you in that there are certain songs that definitely wisk me away to a certain time in my life, a particular situation, or a certain individual.

BTW, I'm glad you're back. *hugs*

Nelly said...

I'm glad you found something (someone ;)) that makes you feel like you again.

I took a very long, hot, steamy bath last night after the kids were in bed and had the radio on at first but then remembered my one true love of music...Celine Dion. I could see the CD's in the player, all 3 were hers. I switched from radio to her stuff and just melted away. I haven't listened to any of her music in over a year, just because of "life." Just too busy, just not enough time.

No matter how crazy life is, her music can always diffuse into me and relax and calm me. I love it!

I'm glad you are back and look forward to reading your new entries. Missed you!

Anonymous said...

Hi Clew.
How are you?

chesneygirl said...

I am SO glad to see you making a comeback!!

I am even more glad you have begun to sort out YOU!! (I really was worried about you)

Music is a HUGE part of my life too, always has been. I would be dead without it.

I love your idea for new entries. I know with your phenomenal writing you'll have very intriguing posts! I look forward to them! :)

oh.... and btw, whenever I hear Taylor's song on the radio or his Ford commercial on TV, I think of you every single time! NO LIE! :)

Hugs to you girl!!

i used to be me said...

Welcome back, Clew. I missed you bunches! I always come away from what you've written with something to think about.

Alli's Mom said...

Welcome back Clew! I missed you!

*** said...

I haven't been around much either lately. Just that time of year!

I am all about music lately too. I spent probably three hours last night on the computer watching Yahoo's Music Launch videos and perusing my iTunes library and singing along. I hope my neighbors didn't hear me!

Kodijack said...

I hope that Mr. Hicks comes out with something soon, I am already sick of his Ford commercial jingle.

And welcome back Clew.

Anonymous said...

I was touched by the honesty within this post. I really like the posting of life's all a matter of perception...I may use some of your posted lyrics and use them as writing prompts...with credit to you of course :)...I especially was moved by your current Lyric of the Day...thanks for sharing. Here by way of AME.

Rebecca said...

Queensryche - one of my favorite metal bands of all times. ;)
Funny - I toyed with doing lyrics of the day - not "officially", but just finding lyrics that parallel my posts. I opted not to do it - so I'm glad to see that you are!

While I've slowed down on my blogging as of late, for me - season related - I am thrilled that you're back. Dare I say - you've always been my first read of the day! :)

It's so very easy to lose yourself in the day to day part of life, esp. with children. I think we become "mom", and forget that we're "Rebecca" or "Clew". And it's difficult to always have something to say, because sometimes - we just don't. :)

Missed ya sister! ;)

Anonymous said...

I think music and writing are two art forms that feed on one another. Nice to see you are back.



Martie said...

Glad you are back and love you're idea of posting "a lyric of the day" and running with it!

I know it will inspire me in some way as all your writing does. Hugs and again, welcome back!!


Anonymous said...

Liking your lyric of the day theme. hey, I bet you would be great at writing songs. If you already written some or one, I'd like to read it.