Friday, March 30, 2007

UNDERTOW - The Scheherazade Project

For March's Scheherazade Project, "What Makes You Tick?" - Inspired by an old James Whitcomb Riley poem designed to get naughty children to behave - with which my ornery Grandmother used to entertain (and secretly scare the bejeebers out of) us before bedtime. Still a little rough, but I wanted to get it posted before the weekend. Comments and criticisms welcome.


* * * * *

I'm so sorry I was bad.

I don't even remember what it was I did, but I'm so sorry.

* * * * *

"Come on! I don't feel like playing your stupid games tonight!"

Ariel was tired of his pranks. Tonight a game of hide and seek was apparently in order, but she wasn't in the mood. If he'd jump out of some darkened room somewhere down the hall trying to scare her she was just in the right frame of mind to bust him in the face. But he hadn't yet. It seemed like he was home, but he rarely had the patience to wait it out this long. She kind of hoped he'd left the house altogether. Maybe out with the boys. Maybe even not come back.

She picked half-eaten sub up off the bed and marched it to the kitchen trash can with a disgusted grunt. He was such a pig. She returned to the bedroom, shooed the restless dog off the bed, plopped down, and absentmindedly surfed the blaring tv a few times. She then turned it off and opted for peace and quiet - something her life lacked since he'd invaded it.

It was so quiet. Just the gentle mumbling of the evening spring rain.

She wished she didn't love him.

She turned out the lights, hugged her pillow, stared at the droplets wandering down the windowpane and thought about that.

Maybe she didn't.

* * * * *

I don't know what happened.

I remember kicking those damn pink throw pillows on the floor and stretching out on the bed with my sandwich to catch a little tube. I stuck my feet under the comforter ...

FOOM! Something pulled me under like a black hole. So fast I didn't even see it happen. I was just under. Sucked under.

I've been trying to get out for hours. I can see the surface of the bed. I can see the dog digging her claws into the material trying to get underneath of them. I can see her mouth chomping at the air ... I know she's barking ... but I can't hear her.

I'm exhausted from fear and struggle. Big bolts of linen and satin and velvet and wool flutter angrily on every side of me. Hanging down like theater curtains. Flapping up like Marilyn Monroe's white dress. They shudder and tense as if in a huge wind tunnel, yet no air moves. I scream, but I sound as though a pillow is over my mouth.

And whatever had my ankles, still has them.

Something strong. And cold. That breathes very hard.

I grasp at the bolts around me but my arms go right through them like dry liquid. I thrust my hands through them, clawing, searching for walls, confines, projectiles. Nothing. And if I stop moving, I slowly inch further and further down.

I grunt in desperation in the roaring silence. I look down at my ankles, enveloped in, what, tree roots?

No. They're fingers. Long, mottled, wet looking fingers. And then I see the eyes. Illuminated bloody eyes the shape of caraway seeds. As I look at them, they narrow. And awful amber teeth glint in a wicked smile.

I panic, clutching and grasping for anything. I see Ariel above me, but she's not looking. I scream for her. She looks pissed, but she can't let me die. I scream and scream. She only turns out the lights. My heart explodes with terror.

Something below me rumbles. I know I'm freaked out right now but I swear it sounds like laughter.

* * * * *

A few days later he still hadn't come home. She still didn't miss him. In fact, she was kind of glad he was gone.

* * * * *

Wake up. WAKE UP!

Please God, I'm sorry... I'll never be bad again...

* * * * *

Thursday, March 29, 2007

Where am I?

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Lyric of the Day:

Well you go through life
So sure of where you’re headed
And you wind up lost
But it’s the best thing
That could have happened
‘Cause sometimes when you lose your way
It’s really just as well
Because you find yourself
Yeah, that’s when you find yourself.

- Brad Paisley

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I have this way of getting completely sidetracked in my life. Do you know what I mean?

There are times in one’s life where things are just moving along swimmingly, and you are so content with the way things have been going that you can barely understand why everyone else in the world can’t find contentment as well. Then there are other times where events turn unexpectedly and compound and snowball so much in your mind that they block out the very daylight that bathes you. You begin to glare down at your feet as you trudge along and before you know it, you’ve lost track of where you are and where you're going.

I have kind of always been easily sidetracked when troubling things are on my mind. I have a way of thinking things to death and then my brain hunts desperately for diversions in order to preserve itself –

sometimes an actual activity,
but sometimes only in my mind -
always self-absorbing,
often non-constructive in nature -

and it plunges into them with both feet for extended periods of time. I forget or neglect other things and before I know it I’m miles away from being anywhere or anything I want to be. I drive the Hub crazy when I get like that. I know I do. I drive MYSELF crazy, for that matter. But for the most part I can’t help it – it’s just my way. I guess it’s something I have to do by my nature to work through certain things.

The one constant thing in life is change. Just as soon as you’re all settled just how you like, inevitably something will come along and pull the rug out from under you. And anymore, there’s always something. That’s not always a bad thing, though. It may absolutely suck at the time, but things have a way of working out the way they’re supposed to, and when you look back you realize you ended up on the journey you needed to take anyway.

Seems so simple. Yet I forget that things will eventually be all right every single time. I revert to getting bogged down in the doldrums.

As my veteran readers know, I don’t have too many friends in my day-to-day life. Lots of acquaintances, but very few friends that I see on a regular basis. I have a wonderful family of loving boys, but a woman needs the company of other women. I’m a social creature, a pack animal - and I get lonely after a while.

I had one of my bi-annual-ish weekends with 2 of my 3 blogarita girls over St. Patrick’s Day weekend. I woke up on the day I was leaving feeling a little weird, like I was coming down with something, but I left anyway. I needed this weekend more than any ol’ twinge could talk me out of. I was shaky the first day but then perked up, and the long weekend of scrapping, drinking, eating, rocking and laughing renewed my spirits.

These women help me remember who I am.

It did eventually catch up with me – After returning home I came down with an evil virus that had been skulking through my household, and it sucked the life out of me for a good 10 days. This was only the last in several bouts of plague this season. I’ve felt much more myself this week, but a sore throat has surfaced. I pray fervently that it’s just the end of this bug and not the beginning of another.

For those who have wondered and asked, my Dad has recovered from his surgery well. His cancer was classified as Stage 3 – advanced, but isolated. He’s had his port put in and has started chemotherapy. I spoke to him yesterday and so far he feels pretty good. I feel in my heart that his chances of a full recovery and many more years ahead of him are very good. The journey has brought us closer together, and even brought him closer to God. The latter being something I never thought I’d see.

If you’re still with me, thanks for listening. I just wanted to get out some random ramblings before getting back to the business of making things interesting around here. I started this blog as a self-therapy tool. I started by just typing mental diarrhea (such as this post) but then it evolved into more of a creative writing project. I’ll be focusing on that angle again as I restart things here, but as always, things will unfold as they will. I hope to see you around.

So much has happened lately to divert my eyes from simple joys. A long dark winter has been settled on my soul, and I’m ready for a thaw. I’m ready to welcome spring. Even now, I kind of don’t even feel like making the effort … I almost feel atrophied … but I’m tired of where I am in my heart. I’m ready to find myself again.

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

*dusting off the blog*

Thought you were rid of me, didn’t you?

No such luck – I’m still here.

I’m hoping to post a decent post by next week sometime … Things are settling down and I’ve been thinking about starting things up here again. I've started to miss blogging.

So if you’re still here too, God love ya, pull up a chair and fix yourself a cup of coffee - or a cocktail - whichever you fancy. I shouldn’t be gone so long this time.