Friday, February 03, 2006

It's just a number, right?

This post has been modified from it's original publication.

I once received this quote in an email: “Your thirties is when you finally get your head together, and your body starts falling apart.” Here are some cruel truths with which I have been yoked these past few years:

  • Eventually, your body does stop defying gravity, and everything not attached directly to bone begins to move south.
  • Time marches on, and you soon discover it's marched on your face. Never underestimate the power of a good moisturizer.
  • You will discover (all too late) that you simply cannot sit Indian Style on the floor anymore without nearly crippling yourself.
  • Making old-person grunts and groans while getting up from furniture becomes involuntary.
  • If you do not regularly work on toning your body, your outer casing will slosh around your frame like Weird Al Yankovic's fat suit.
  • Women can and do grow whiskers. Be on the watch. Find them before someone else does.

It's not all bad, though ...

  • I still get carded. Not as often as I used to, but it does happen. And it's really fun to see Chip the Waiter's reaction to discovering I was born in the 60's.
  • I no longer worry about hair, clothes, the latest eye shadow shades, or the hippest fashion. I have defined what makes me, me - and I'm good with that.
  • While it doesn't happen as quickly as it once did, it's still fairly simple to get back in shape if I get out of it.
  • While awkward and slightly uncomfortable, mammograms really aren't so bad.
  • I have earned the right to share war stories with other people approaching middle age. And who doesn't enjoy complaining sometimes?
  • My life is rich with friends, experiences, stories and lessons.

So, on my birthday this year, I decided that adding another candle doesn't make me older - it just makes my life brighter. Getting old isn't so bad.


Joy said...

Excellent post Clew! And happy belated birthday! :)

Mike said...

Well, I for one didn't know so HAPPY BIRTHDAY Clew, a day late. I think if that groundhog knew, he'd make room for you too.

37 aint bad at all....maybe because I'm close behind. ;)

Nelly said...

Great post Clew!

Anonymous said...

Yeah Happy Belated Birthday! Wish I had known so my wishes don't sound like an afterthought.

And welcome to 37! (I turn 38 in March. **shudder**) Loved this post because the thoughts are so-o-o-o-o-o true. I still get carded occasionally too. Isn't that the coolest; Especially when you've been drinking legally since before the person carding you was born!!!

Speckledpup said...

ahhhh Kermie.. I knew him welll....

good thoughts.

and as you get older, any excuse for cake'll do.

Professor Fate said...

Andy Rooney psuedo-quote (ripped mercilessly from somewhere:

As I grow in age, I value women who are over 30 most of all.

Here are just a few reasons why:

A woman over 30 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, "What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think. If a woman over 30 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And, it's usually something more interesting.

A woman over 30 knows herself well enough to be assured in whom she is, what she is, what she wants and from whom. Few women past the age of 30 give a hoot what you might think about her or what she's doing.

Women over 30 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant.

Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you, if they think they can get away with it.

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated.

A woman over 30 has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend because she doesn't trust the guy with other women. Women over 30 couldn't care less if you're attracted to her friends because she knows her friends won't betray her.

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 30. They always know.

A woman over 30 looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true of younger women.

Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 30 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.

Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk if you are acting like one! You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.

Yes, we praise women over 30 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed hot woman of 30 , there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year-old waitress. Ladies, I apologize.

For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free" here's an update for you...

Nowadays, 80% percent of women are against marriage, why?
Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire Pig, just to get a little sausage.'!

Michelle said...

Nice post. I especially like the part about adding another candle just makes your life brighter.

Somebody woke up on the right side of the bed this morning. :)

Nelly said...

Prof Fate, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE what you posted! It is ALL so true!

ramblin' girl said...

sounds like you had a happy birthday, so I'll wish you a great year!

Happy belated Birthday!!

Rebecca said...

Happy Birthday Sistah! ;)
I'll raise a glass of champagne to you this evening. :)

And I DO NOT BELIEVE that we grow whiskers!!!!!! ;)

Just Jan said...

happy belated Birthday!!!'re Birthday is on the same days as my Bob's.

Thanks for stopping by my blog to say hi....and how cool is it that we live in the same should sign my frappr map too if you like.

I bookmarked your blog and will be back for future visits.

Nunzia said...

aww! Happy Belated Birthday!

Martie said...

Rebecca, they are not wiskers...they are errant eyebrow hairs!

Prof. Fate....being a woman WELL over 30, I can attest to what you speak of is the truth.

Clew, you know my feelings about getting older...the alternative sucks!

Happy Birthday again....XOXOXO

Bill said...

Clew, Happy Birthday....thank you for sharing and being an open book. You are sweet.

Lori said...

Oh my gosh...I can't believe I missed this! I haven't been online enough to read much in the past couple of days. Boy, do I feel rotten! :-(

I hope that you had a WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL birthday, clew..and that this weekend extends it in the best way!

P.S. I remember was GREAT! I don't think I was cracking and popping yet, but the sound effects have definitely arrived in the 40's. Sigh.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry that I missed your birthday. Happy belated birthday!

ShyRocket said...

Belated Happy Birthday and thanks for sharing!

Nicole said...

You still get carded?! Rat fink. I've never been carded...even when I was well below the legal drinking age.

Does that mean I'll look 70 when I'm 40??? :)

Happy Birthday to You!

Kodijack said...

You are so lucky that you do not live close to me, I would be making fun of you all day. But I am a bastard and thats what bastards do.

Congrats on making it this far. I did appreciate your post, it makes it easy for those of us who are younger than you do know what we can expect. ;)

But seriously? Happy birthday. Screw the whole varmit thing, you deserve your day.

Cheryl said...

Wait, what, I missed your birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh man!!!!!!! Happy birthday!

I last got carded by a young checker at Trader Joes. It was a few years ago--I was probably around 37. The young man took one look at the birthdate on my license, and gasped. Audibly.

Neal said...

I thank people when they card me. Happy belated!

*** said...

I can totally relate to the whisker thing. My supervisor and I talk about it too.

I get carded too! Don't you love it?! Sometimes I think they just do it to make me feel good ;)

juanitagf said...

Happy Belated Birthday!

Michael Lehet said...

I could have sworn that I left you a comment.

Happy Belated Birthday my fellow Aquarian!

We're the same age and only 4 days apart! It must be fate.

I hope that you had a wonderful and glorious day, even though you did have to share it with that bastard the Ground Hog.

And don't worry, I've got you on my calendar now.

I would love to send you a b-day card in the mail if you want to send me your address (

Lainey said...

Happy birthday. I'm a little on the other side of middle age...A 'seasoned woman'. I haven't been carded in a long while, but it's not so bad, even has some neat advantages, but that's another story.
Thanks for checking out Elvis's blog. I've never been a dog person... I love this little guy!
I've wondered if it is an 'age' thing. Perhaps even an empty nest thing. Maybe I've missed cleaning up poop and wiping off little hands and faces.

Time to start waxing the chin hairs. Talk to your hairdresser.
I wax a lot of chinnies and lips!