Thursday, November 01, 2007

I *SO* Love This.

I wish I could take credit for this, but I can't - I got it by email. I wish I could credit whoever put it together, but I don't know who they are. So, whoever you are - Kudos. This killed me. Hope y'all enjoy it as much as I did! (Also that you appreciate that it took me like two hours to upload all these goofy pics into Blogger. Just for you.) I know the spacing's a little screwy here and there, but Blogger's being a butthole and I did the best I could and am getting a headache, so forget it. Enjoy!

Last weekend I put an exhaust fan in the ceiling for my grandfather. While my brother and I were fitting the fan in between the joists, we found something under the insulation. What we found was this:

A JC Penney catalog from 1977. It's not often blog fodder just falls in my lap, but holy moley this was two solid inches of it, right there for the taking.

I thumbed through it quickly and found my next dining room set, which is apparently made by adding upholstery to old barrels:

Also, I am totally getting this for my bathroom:

There's plenty more home furnishings where those came from, however I'm not going to bore you with that. Instead, I'm going to bore you with something else. The clothes. The clothes are fantastic.

Here's how to get your a$s kicked in elementary school:

Just look at that belt. It's like a boob-job for your pants. He probably needed help just to lift it into place. The belt loops have to be three inches long. And way to pull them up to your armpits, grandpa.

Here's how to get your a$s kicked in high school:

This kid looks like he's pretending to be David Soul, who is pretending to be a cop who is pretending to be a pimp that everyone knows is really an undercover cop. Who is pretending to be 15.

Here's how to get your a$s kicked on the golf course:

This "all purpose jumpsuit" is, according to the description, equally appropriate for playing golf or simply relaxing around the house. Personally, I can't see wearing this unless you happen to be relaxing around your cell in D-block. Even then, the only reason you should put this thing on is because the warden made you.

Here's how to get your a$s kicked pretty much anywhere:

If you look at that picture quickly, it looks like Mr. Bob "No-pants" Saget has his hand in the other guy's pocket. In this case, he doesn't, although you can tell just by looking at them that it's happened - or if it hasn't happened it will. Oh yes. It will. As soon as he puts down his matching coffee cup.

Here's how to get your a$s kicked at the beach:

He looks like he's reaching for a gun, but you know it's probably just a bottle of suntan lotion in a holster.

Here's how to get your a$s kicked in a meeting:

If you wear this suit and don't sell used cars for a living, I believe you can be fined and face serious repercussions, up to and including termination. Or imprisonment, in which case you'd be forced to wear that orange jumpsuit.

Here's how to get your a$s kicked on every day up to and including St. Patrick's Day:

Dear heavens, I don't believe that color exists in nature. There is NO excuse for wearing either of these ensembles unless you're working as a body guard for the Lucky Charms leprechaun.

In this next one, you'll be relieved to learn: Your Search For VALUE Ends at Penneys. As does your search for chest hair.

And this -- Seriously. No words.

Oh wait, it turns out that there are words after all. Those words are What. The. Heck. I'm guessing the snap front gives you quick access to the chest hair. The little tie must be the pull tab.

Also, judging by the sheer amount of matching his/hers outfits, I'm guessing that in 1977 it was considered pretty stylish for couples to dress alike.

This couple looks happy, don't they?

I am especially fond of this one, which I have entitled "Cowboy Chachi Loves You Best."

And nothing showcases your everlasting love more than the commitment of matching bathing suits. That, and a blonde girl with a look on her face that says "I love the way your junk fights against that fabric."

Then, after the lovin', you can relax in your one-piece matching terry cloth jumpsuits:

I could go on, but I'm tired, and my eyes hurt from this trip back in time. I think it's the colors.

That said, I will leave you with these tasteful little numbers:

Man, that's sexy.


Anonymous said...

VERY funny!!!

And ... ooo la la ... those hair styles!!!!!!!!!!!

Martie said...

I remember this stuff! Doesn't seem that long ago in years.....only in style! LOL

BTW, why does your post say it's November 1 already. It's only 11:13 PM here....what time are you ON?


Anonymous said...

Holy Crap....

That's a collector's dream! ;)

Too funny but man, I can't believe people actually wore clothes like that!

chesneygirl said...

TEARS! That is what is streaming down my face right now... but I'm not sure if it's from the laughter or the sadness that people REALLY wore clothes like that, and were not embarassed by it.

I think I only fell off my chair 6 times from the laughter.

"unless you're working as a body guard for the Lucky Charms leprechaun" ...holy crap, I peed my pants. Twice.

OMG, my sides hurt.

This is great! Priceless.

Jody said...

Don't you just love the extra-wide lapels? Only thing those studs are missing is all the gold chains and a big can of Schlitz Malt Liquor.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go see if I can find me some terrycloth lounge sets. SEXY!

bigwhitehat said...

My grandfather used to wear those jumpsuits.

Those toilet covers sucked for dudes. Try keeping the seat up with that puffy crap pushing past the fulcrum.

Anonymous said...


I so needed that!

Nelly said...

O-H M-Y G-O-S-H! Those are the most ridiculous things I've ever seen in my entire life! HORRIBLE! Oh my eyes! And yes, those were all WAAAAAAY before my time! Sorry to all of you who actually lived through that shit!